motherhood and the likes

so more than ever, tonight i realize how as much rewarding and beautiful being a mother could be, that it could also show yourself how selfish one could be. of course i don't have the expertise of having a child of my own, but when you need to take care of loved ones, it could be so straining and difficult on your own heart and conscious. out of love and the desire to look out for people you care about, the wanting to be appreciated and not needing to deal with other people's problems as well comes out. i exploded on (admitting to everyone that i was going to be very honest and very selfish) the fact that i for once wanted to do whatever the fuck i wanted, not have to babysit them, and have them appreciate me for looking out for them. as soon as i let out that big bag of bad off my chest, i thought immediately of my mother. i wondered, how many times in my lifetime has my mother felt the same way? that through all the times i'd been a huge pain in the ass (and i know i have been.......), that she wanted to just bitch that she doesn't want to deal with my issues and focus on having fun in her life. but, i know because she loves me, she sacrificed many things in her life. of course, on the scope of things, it's not on the same level that i felt with my friends tonight, but i guess it puts a bigger realization in my head that my mother loves me, will always love me and that i must be grateful for her loving me so. and also, that i love my friends, and i need them to be DD next time.. haha, cause next time i'm getting wild for sure, and i know they love me too. so all in all, love = selflessness??

oh, by the way, the pink door? it's fucking BEIGE now. lame-o. it's kind of creepy cause i've been seeing the pimp across the street a lot recently. i even saw them painting that den of sin last night as i left for the high rise. they even installed a light right above the door. i wonder why they need that? a sign of 'back in business' for all the scared off clients?? and wasabi house is the place to eat. why? because i fucking work there now bitches. better see you there sometime soon.